A weekend in the country.

I have just found what is called the Sunday Whirl: wordle #388 which is a sort of word puzzle where one has to write something which includes a number of words which have been selected. I quite enjoyed this writing challenge.

A weekend in the country.

My wife and I were asked for a weekend in the country by Lord Peter Whimsy and at first, I was reluctant to take up the invitation but one doesn’t get the chance for this sort of thing that often and it would be a story to tell my grandchildren the next time they came to visit.

His Lordship lives in the country in the wilds of Yorkshire which was quite a long drive as it entailed going round and round a very discombobulated route through the countryside.

Eventually we arrived and I parked the Bentley at the front door and went with my wife to pull the chain to ring the doorbell and was rather taken aback when the hinge on the imposing front door creaked and the door opened to reveal, no-one.

I had been expecting someone to emerge but no, there was not a soul to be seen, when in a flash a small rather withered old man jumped out at my wife and I causing our pulses to race alarmingly.

He introduced himself, “Good day sir, madam I’m Scrotum the wrinkled retainer, do follow me to your room.”

“I’m afraid there is no rush to dress for dinner, his Lordship had tickets in the stalls to see the Mouse trap and is running a little late.”

Some time later we went down for dinner and met his Lordship who apologised for his lateness as it seems he had trodden in a puddle when entering the house which necessitated a change of clothes.

During the course of the meal which was a very rich platter he informed everyone that the plan for tomorrow was to go clay pigeon shooting which sounded as if it might be fun.

Unfortunately, the meal was rather too rich for my digestive system and I could no longer contain myself and I let off an enormous fart.

At first, I thought I had got away with it as his Lordship shouted to his dog, “Rover, get away from the table,” but I could no longer hold myself and let an even louder one rip.

Once again, his Lordship shouted at the dog and then to Scrotum, “For God’s sake man open the vents on that window.”

Shocked as I was by his shouting I let rip yet again this time even louder.

By this time his Lordship was virtually purple in the face, veins bursting from his neck.

He rose from the table and bellowed, “For Christ’s sake Rover, get away from the table before he shits all over you.”

Well, this is my story of our weekend in the country, I have a feeling we may not be asked again.

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About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again, resulting in us getting married in 2013. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
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1 Response to A weekend in the country.

  1. Almost Iowa says:

    Unfortunately, the meal was rather too rich for my digestive system and I could no longer contain myself and I let off an enormous fart.

    Well…. what would one expect after eating clay pigeons?

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