Summoned by bells.

Last night we were summoned to the school of our youngest, Diane, as she is known and is willing to be written about as such.

My girlfriend Angella, (yes, we’re all coming out today) was rather worried that the reason our presence was requested was something to do with Dianes’ conduct and that she was about to be drummed out of the regiment.

Diane goes to one of the better schools in Cambridge and so, it was with some trepidation that myself and Angella presented ourselves at reception to meet the Head of Year and Head of Senior School.

It took me back to my own school days and the feeling of utter fear waiting outside the Headmasters office to receive six of the best, this in the days when even the prefects were allowed to wallop the boys. Oh happy days!

Before going into the meeting it dawned on us that Diane had recently mislaid her lab coat and had received a reprimand for doing so, but we decided this was far too trivial to be calling us for a special meeting.

However I did point out that if this were the case I would be extremely annoyed and felt we should teach them a lesson by giving them a good beating, as I was sure we could take them.

I suggested that if I were to slam the Head of Years face through the glass table. Angella could pounce on the Head of Senior School who would be, by now in a state of considerable shock. The element of surprise I felt would give us the upper hand and we would soon have given them a good pasting.

As it turned out this course of action was unnecessary as all they wanted to discuss was the fact that Diane kept forgetting to hand in her homework.

Having spent a pleasant half hour chatting with these rather lovely people we left with a cunning plan to text Diane every morning to remind her to hand in her homework.

It all worked out rather well really, although I still think we could have taken them had it come to blows as, I am a fit, healthy, ruddy faced countryman.

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About The Diary of a Country Bumpkin

I am a retired actor, although to be honest I only retired because I wasn't getting any work and the option of becoming an unemployed actor/waiter at my age was ludicrous, especially as my waiting skills are non-existent. Having said I’m retired, I don’t think there really is such a thing as a retired actor for I am still available for work, I just don’t have an agent or any connections with regards to obtaining any worthwhile work. I have over the years done student films when there is nothing else available, always low paid (if at all) the only incentive was always the promised copy of the finished film for your show reel which nine times out of ten always failed to materialise. I spent many years looking after my aged mother who had dementia, hence the lack of acting work but shortly after her death I was lucky enough to run into an ex-girlfriend of many years ago and our romance blossomed once again. My move to the countryside inspired me to write The Diary of a Country Bumpkin which tells of my continuing dilemmas in dealing with the rigors of the countryside from the unexpectedly large number of pollens, fungal moulds and hay products waiting to attack the unsuspecting townie. I enjoy writing, see my play Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori on The Wireless Theatre Company, The Plays Wot I Wrote and The Battle of Barking Creek both available on Amazon.co.uk and am very fond of classic cars so my ideal occupation would be acting in a film I had written set in the 1930s/40s, we live in hopes. I am delighted to say that since venturing to the countryside where space is not quite the premium it is in town, I have due to the availability of two double garages acquired more classic cars to form a small collection the pride of which are a 1947 Bentley Mk VI and a 2000 Bentley Arnage. My various blogs and websites are continually evolving and I’m sure that by following the appropriate links you will find something which will edify or amuse.
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